You know you're in the Waikato when...

...there's a cow covering half the sign.

Bus trip banter

I get the bus to and from Tech four days a week, but it's not often as entertaining as yesterday's return trip.

At the travel centre, I'm wedged onto the end of a bench, beside a couple of mature ladies, with my head buried in a copy of the day's Herald -I am a journalism student, after all.
A cheerful young man wanders over, singing.

Photo by Morio, from Wikimedia Commons

"I want to be on X Factor!" he announces to all three of us.
"You don't wanna go on that show," says Lady #1.  "You might get kicked off!  He's a hard man, that Stan Walker."
"Oh, nah, he's alright.  I'd give him a singing competition any day - blow him out of the water."

There's a quiet moment, then he launches into singing along with the advertising jingle coming out of the PA.
"See, that's a nice tune, eh?"
"You've got my vote," says Lady#2.

My bus shows up, and I take my Herald to a seat down near the back.
"How long 'til you leave?" says a voice up the front.
I look up to see a teenage girl waiting expectantly for a response from the grey-haired bus driver.
He holds up his two index fingers, leaving a gap in between.
"About that long."
The girl mirrors his gesture.
"About that long? ... Five minutes?"
The driver makes a show of checking his watch.
"Seven minutes."
She decides to explain her question, and points at the vocally-ambitious young chap sitting on one of the benches outside.
"He wants to have a smoke before."

"Oh!  Smoking!" says the driver, drawing a slightly nervous chuckle from the girl.  "Gives you cancer.  Tell him to stop."
She turns.  "Oi, stop smoking."
Her cheeky friend steps into the conversation.
"Did you use to smoke?" he asks the driver.
"Oh, once, a couple of days ago."  Once the pair's laughter has died down, he continues.  "No, 42 years ago I gave up!"

The young girl tries to hurry her nonchalant friend along, which seems to give him an idea.
"He's got two!" she shrieks.
"What?" exclaims the driver.  "Have you got one up each nostril?"

However the young guy's smoking, he's soon finished.  He goes to stub his cigarette out and put it in the nearby bin, so the driver takes the opportunity to close the doors and begin reversing away from the bay.
In between gales of laughter, the girl says our driver is the best ever.  I'm struggling to hold in a giggle.
Even the butt of the joke thinks it's amusing, and gives the bus driver a high five when he is eventually let on.

Whale Bay, Raglan, New Zealand

It looks like the remainder of the bus ride may be less amusing, until he pipes up about 200 metres down the road.
"Boss, do you go down Grandview?"
"Grandview?"  The driver ponders the idea for a moment.  "We're going to Hillcrest."
The young pair dissolve into giggles, because we clearly aren't.  There's some muttering between the pair of them, and then a new suggestion.
"Oh, never mind Grandview, boss.  Let's just keep going to Raglan!"
"Well, make up your mind!"

But they don't make it to the sea.  They just go as far as the suburbs, and hop out with a cheery "thanks, boss."
"Have a pleasant afternoon," he replies.